I almost Killed myself today

The kitchen is filled with gas. It smells horrible. I like the smell of petrol but gas smells a bit like fart. It has this sourish smell and it stings when you suck lots of it up your nostrils. I feel dizzy. I felt quite light, as if I had downed 3 shots of Tequila. It's getting really difficult to breathe and I feel heavy too. I think about my parents. I'd hate to leave them but... then there's my boyfriend Shin whom I terribly miss whenever he's away. I'd be better off dead - at least I won't be missing him in the next life.

I feel tired but I'm still alive. Why is it taking so long to be gassed alive? My eyes are getting blur. My breathing is really slow now. Deep, heavy breaths. I wonder if this is how people with Asthma feels. I pity them. They go through this everyday. It'll only be once for me and after that, I'll be free. Free from work, from worries, from stress, from weight problems, from monetary issues.

I walk up and down the kitchen. I am so tempted to open the window. This feeling of waiting is killing me. It's even worse than dying itself. I start to feel a pain against my chest. Each time I breathe, my heart pounds. If you read my blog about Chest Pain, that's how I'm feeling right now. Eventhough the air is clear (no black or smoke), it feels as though I'm breathing in mud. I coughed a few times and my throat hurts. It's dry and it feels like a super sorethroat.

I slouch against the cupboard and sit on the floor and stare at the bloody cooker hub that's taking so long to kill me. Then I realise that there's no fire, the knob is turned all the way to the right and there's the smell of lingering guess. Hmm... this doesn't sound right. I retrace my steps.

I came home from work and went into the kitchen to cook instant noodles. When I was done, I turned off the fire, came out to the living room to eat and when I went back into the kitchen, I smelt gas. I looked at the cooker hub and realised that instead of turning off the switch, I had turned it the other direction. The gas that was coming out was too little that it couldn't sustain a fire but it leaked and that's what I smelt! *tsk* *tsk* That must've been what triggered my halucination and wild imagination.

I quickly turned on the fan to blow the lingering gas out the window, washed my dishes and was out of the kitchen. Phew! So it was all just a dream. Up to the part where I mistakenly turned the fire down instead of off. Hmmph! Silly me.